Fungus Among Us

That, is a big fungus.

I don’t know what it’s called. The wife probably knows, but she’s in the other room reading a book and I’m not going to interrupt that. But really, does it matter? Because, LOOK AT THAT FUNGUS!!! It’s huge! And look how it hangs there so majestic, so pure, so, flat on the bottom. It’s like a useless shelf. Maybe it’s like Castlevania: Symphony of the Night where after you think you’ve beaten the game the castle flips upside down and you have to do the whole damn thing over again and everything is harder, like, way harder. Maybe that fungus then becomes a shelf and there’s this amazing item on it but then you realize you can’t jump that high, I mean, you thought it was high before, but just wait ’til the ground is the ceiling and the sky is the ground. Sure, you’ll be walking on clouds and stuff, but that elusive fungus shelf will be so damn far away that you’ll rue the day you were born a vampire slayer. . .

Anyway, back in the right side up world—where the enemies are only half as strong—the wife and kid and I saw this upside-down tree shelf while taking a walk down a back road that we walk everyday (yeah, right, like I walk everyday) every-so-often. The road goes past some horses—the owner of which will scold you and act like a jerk for seven years and counting if you show them any attention—then it’s up a hill (I always fear that I’ll get creamed by some dingus coming too fast over that hill—just like Stephen King did—but I’m not even a successful author, so it would go virtually unnoticed). Next to a lone house—where I’ve waved at an old guy a few times—there’s a patch of trees, one of which holds the inverted shelf fungus, then it’s cornfields and utility poles to the horizon—well, at least for the next quarter-of-a-mile.

In case you need another photo for perspective, here it is.

I told you it was big and out of reach.

Where are your High Jump Boots now Samus?!

Also, the wife tells me it’s a Bracket fungus.

The more you know.